Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
