if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
