i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
