I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
