I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
