New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
