I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
