I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
