So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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