Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

why do cheetos always look like penises

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(314): View more from Missouri

10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

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(585): View more from New York

you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

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(360): View more from Washington

Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?

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(510): View more from California

I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.

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(631): View more from New York

figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.

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(805): View more from California

My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.

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(713): View more from Texas

haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old

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(850): View more from Florida

Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work

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