does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
