Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
