Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
