just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
