The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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