just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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