Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
