At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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