I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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