Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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