I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sober January is a disaster.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
