Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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