Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A+ Viking dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
