it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
