I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
