Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
