I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
