I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
