She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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