I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your penis caused this!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
