We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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