did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
