i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
