Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
