Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
