She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i barfeds in our rink
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
