I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Farmville is her only friend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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