i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
