What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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