i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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