We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we should paint friendship bongs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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