You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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