Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
