I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
