My friends, they love my intelligence
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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