i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
