and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
