Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
