i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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