Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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