Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
