I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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