Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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