New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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