this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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