you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
