dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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