Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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