We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
