Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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