I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
