It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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