May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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