definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
