Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
