Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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