Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
