This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
