I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
