Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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