i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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