a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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