Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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