I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
