Where is the hickey?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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