we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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