just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
