The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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