It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
