He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
