why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
